beanie43

05:47 pm: A few things in list form that might make me feel better if I get them out:

1. Fuck West Georgia Theatre Company and its numerous douchebag members. Most of the decent people that were left graduated. I hope some sort of huge karmic force brings its fist down on those assholes.

2. Fuck relationships. Especially ended ones. And fuck crying and being sad, too.

3. Fuck being fat. I'm getting back on track.

4. Fuck yes for fireworks, Transformers, getting As on papers, and paychecks.

That's all.

*Lulu*

12:25 am: I have a lot to get off my chest. I'm coming clean about some things.

This hasn't been the most academically challenging semester I've had. It's been rough, but there have been worse. This is, however, the most challenging semester in terms of my social life, or lack thereof. It seems to be plummeting head first into an abyss that is equivalent to the bog of eternal stench. I just have to complain for a second, sorry.

Ok, so earlier in the semester I made some very bad decisions. I think everyone knows by now that Buster and I are going through a really rough patch in our relationship. So my bad decision included alcohol and an 18 year old boy. That's all I'll say about that. I told Buster immediately. We have no secrets. It happened, it's over. But it was a really hot topic of conversation in the theatre company. It was in two parts: what's up with me and Buster, and what's up with me and said freshman. It's been over a month and it's STILL GOING ON!!! I had someone ask me about it a few days ago.

Because of this gossip, I've become a social leper. People keep telling me that I'm just making stuff up in my head, but I know it's true. When I walk into a room, people get quiet. People laugh at me. EVEN THE FACULTY KNOWS! The worst part about it is that I just realized who spilled the beans and started all of this. And I thought he was one of my best friends. I guess not. I'm just afraid that when I graduate, I'll be remembered as some sort of whore.

I graduate in the fall. Officially. Two majors in 4 1/2 years.

That's another thing. All of my friends are graduating. I'm going to be the oldest one in the company. And the freshman are already reminding me of it. I feel like I'm getting old and all my friends are dying. I'm lonely. I can't relate to the new people. Nor do I even care to. As soon as I let myself go around them, they started talking shit about me.

I just feel like my social and my personal life are slowly falling apart around me. And all I can do is stand back and watch. Everything that I thought was stable in my life is disintegrating. There's no stability. None at all. I guess part of it is my fault, but I've done the best I can to make up for my indiscretions and move on. It just hurts so badly to watch everything that I've been so carefully building for 3 years internally deconstruct.

This is the first time I've been able to openly talk about this. I've been having a breakdown all week until yesterday. I just need to breathe.

I'm taking a year off after I graduate to work in ATL, preferably at the Alliance theatre as a literary intern. It's an amazing job. Then I'm off to grad school. I've been looking at Berkeley (as always), Davis, SF State, Tennessee, and Southern Mississippi. And I talked to Dr. Crafton (OMG giggle) about it. He said he's definitely going to help me when the time comes. I love that man. Wish me luck.

I need independence right now. So I've been pushing a lot of people away. I just need to get out and do things for myself. I can't keep depending on my friends and relationships to carry me through life. I want to do it myself. I'm scared and I need to figure it out on my own.

I'm directing orientation skits this summer. I just cast it. I'm just afraid that people are going to start rumors about favoritism in the casting process. Said freshman is in the cast.

There are three types of people in the world. Dicks, pussies, and assholes. I've been a pussy lately. And I've been allowing myself to get fucked by the dicks of the world. Fuck them all. I'm paving my own way.

So, the point to all of this crap is that I've finally managed to get my head up and stop crying. I've started to realize who my real friends are. And I know who I need to cut out my life.

I think that's all. If I have more I'll add it later. I just had to release some of that.

In the words of the Beatles:

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on

*Lulu*

11:30 pm: Dear world,

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Kthx,

Arielle

06:22 pm: My Latest Efforts...

06:23 pm:

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		10
Words of Affirmation:		6
Physical Touch:		5
Receiving Gifts:		5
Acts of Service:		4

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

12:34 pm: My birthday was on Thursday. I ended up getting slightly messed up and making awesome spaghetti.

I had my party last night. We went to California Pizza Kitchen in Atlanta. It's my favorite place. I of course decided to put weight watchers off for the night. Apparently Usher was there last night. The fourteen year old girl in me squealed. People weren't making it up, though. I actually saw him as I was walking to the bathroom. There was also this kid sitting behind us that kept stealing his dad's beer and drinking it. We got a picture.

It was a successful party, and a nice end to my fall break. Now it's back to the daily grind.

Oh, and as of yesterday I've lost a total of 10 pounds in the past 6 weeks. Hopefully my pizza intake won't hinder further loss. BUT...sadly, those 10 pounds took away some of my boobs. My strapless bra doesn't fit anymore. Sad news.

they call me mellow yellow...

*Lulu*

11:58 am: Because I'm a follower...
COMMENT HERE AND I WILL:

a) Tell you why I friended you.

b) Associate you with something -- a fandom, song, color, photo, etc.

c) Tell you something I like about you.

d) Tell you a memory I have of you.

e) Ask you something I've wanted to know about you

f) Tell you my favorite userpic from your list

g) In return, you need to post this on your own

10:58 am: pppppppppppppttttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhh
School is in its second week.

Schedule: MW 12:30-1:45 Colonial and Early American Lit, 5:30-6:45 History of the English Language (with Dr. Crafton OMG)

TR 9:30-10:45 William Blake, 12:30-1:45 Costume Design, 3:30-4:45 Playwriting

So far this seems to be working out alright, with the exception of the 9:30 class. I love William Blake, but I'm not even alive at that time. Ah, the pursuit of knowledge.

After this semester, I have 2 semesters left as an undergrad. That's one year. I have two majors. 4.5 years in college is pretty good for the amount of crap that I've done. I'm not going to feel pride, though. Not until at least next semester when I apply for graduation.

I want to act for my capstone. I've come to the conclusion that this will not happen. Shelly seems to think that I'm a terrible actor. I know I'm not great, but I'm at least good enough that I deserve a chance. But I haven't gotten one in a long time. So I'm the Dramaturg for Flyin' West. It's exciting, but I wanted to be on stage. It looks like I'm either doing Dramaturgy or stage managing for my capstone. Le sigh.

I have five beautiful kittens, if anyone is interested. Delia's mom (our basement cat) had kitties, and I rescued them from a rather precarious situation and brought them into the house. They were living on the floor of the basement, and I was afraid something would eat them, since we get random animals in there all the time. So now all five of them are living inside with "Mama Kitty," as we call her. They've just started to run around their little box and pounce each other. And they groom themselves, but they're still so wobbly that they fall over when they try. I've never been a cat person, but they have such adorable little personalities. We're taking them to the vet tomorrow to get them checked out. 3 white ones, a black one, and a tabby. Keep that in mind.

I think I might have a snack now. I have a little over an hour until Alan's costume class. Ugh. Later.

*Lulu*

12:28 pm: I figured I should tell people what's going on in my world lately.

So I've been doing a lot of self-reevaluation lately. Because I'm restless. Just restless all the time. Maybe because it's summer. I don't know what it is, but when I get bored I think way too much about everything.

I want to go to culinary school. In a bad way. I'm obviously going to finish my two degrees first, and then I'll move on to setting perfectly lovely kitchens on fire with my mad culinary abilities. I want to open a bakery or a dinner theatre.

Of course my bakery's name would be "Masterbakers."

I've just realized that cooking, and particularly baking, make me a happier person. I love the feeling of knowing that I'm making someone happy. And to me, there is no happiness like the ultimate euphoria of baked goods.

I've decided that I don't like the professional world. If I have to deal with the Shelly Elmans of the world for the rest of my life, I might as well go jump off a bridge now. This is why I must make my own path, my own niche if you will. I mean, look at Alton Brown. He was a Theatre major, and now he's got his own place in the world creating badass food with a dramatic flair. I can do this.

It's a strange summer for me. I'm calling it my "Summer of Wellness." I take vitamins every day and I now take fish oil 3 times daily (I HIGHLY recommend it). I feel mentally alert and mostly stable. I try to do yoga every day as well, but I've fallen off track for the past few weeks. It just feels so good to focus on taking care of myself for once and not taking care of other people and their problems. I just want to be happy again, which is something I really don't feel during the school year.

I'm sad that Joel is leaving for Italy. It sucks to know that your best friend is halfway across the world and you can't call if you need to. It's only 10 days though, and I'm looking forward to Italian souvenirs. At least he came and said goodbye before he got on the plane. It made me feel a little better.

My dad has been in Chicago for the past 2 weeks. He's coming back for a week, and then he's back to Chicago. It's a shitty schedule.

My Pure Romance party is on August 9th. If anyone knows of any girls that would like to come, please invite them. The more money people spend, the more free stuff I get. And free sex toys would be awesome.

I think that's all I have right now.

I knew I needed it but I never knew how much I wanted it...It's love...

*Lulu the masterbaker*

03:36 pm: I just finished a 10 page paper in mmmmm....7 hours total. And it's not half bad if I do say so myself.

I just turned in my books, and there was a woman at the counter who saw my books and said "did you just write a paper on Their Eyes Were Watching God?" And I replied yes. She said "I'm writing my dissertation on it." I said, "Yeah, I just sqeezed ten pages out of a narrow topic." She said, "Yeah...I already have 86." Ha! Life.

I'm going to see some fireworks tonight. Then Saturday will be two parties with my Bustah. Then to the Shakespeare Tavern on Sunday to see Much Ado with some family members. I'm excited.

Most importantly, I'M DONE FOR THE SUMMER!

We'll sing in the sunshine...

*Lulu*

05:35 pm:


My latest project. I think Shelly hates it, but I don't much care. I think this is my best one in a long time.

Yeah. That's it.

*Lulu*

03:39 pm: I have a few things on my mind.

I'm done with my junior year of college. I just finished my last final, and it feels amazing.

I'm stage managing a show this summer. And taking a Harlem Rennaisance class. This means that I have about a year and a half until I graduate. Wow.

Now I have to vent about something. I love my friends. I value them for their intellectual prowess and undeniable charm. I don't waste time on losers. But I feel that lately I've been surrounding myself with people with which I have nothing in common.

I'm not normal. I know this. I'm guilty of dorkdom as much as anyone else. However, I can't help but notice a certain mode of thought lately that bothers me: superheroes. They have a place in culture, most certainly. But I think it's absolutely ri-fucking-diculous that people talk about them like they actually exist. Like you could run into them while walking down a busy street in LA and they'd have a chat with you about their latest mission to save the world. THEY AREN'T REAL. Gah!!!! And roleplaying...ok...I'm not going to say anything about that. I'm pretty sure everyone knows my stance on that topic.

I was highly insulted at lunch the other day. English is NOT a useless major. Neither is Theatre. And the two together are a pretty awesome combination. It's not acceptable to insult people like that. Especially when the insulter is a loser.

Humph.

01:21 pm: Here's something that I stole from Katie and Kelly. I'm procrastinating, as usual. Here's what I think of some people. I'll post it on facebook too, since I don't have many lj friends. All will remain nameless, unless you guess that one is you and would like to speak up (some may be obvious).

1. You came to me at a very conflicted time in my life and saved me from a terrible mistake. You're the only person I think of when I go to sleep and wake up. We have incredible timing.

2. You are my BEST friend and only person that truly gets me. You helped me break out of my shell.

3. You are my best friend too. The only difference is that you kick my ass when I need it.

4. You are my best friend from across the country. I've known you longer than anyone. It hurt me so bad to leave you, but I know we'll always be best friends.

5. I love you dearly and we know each other so well, but you always outdo me at my own game and sometimes it really pisses me off. We've been through a lot together, especially in high school.

6. You are incredibly nice, and so supportive. And you remind me of Patrick Swayze.

7. You listen to me and respond intelligently and kindly. You are incredibly patient and loyal. You're a clone of my brother. I swear it!

8. I look up to you more than anyone in the Theatre world. Seriously. I used to have a stage crush on you. I saved up for months to go to your wedding, and I'm so honored you invited me in the first place. Your friendship means a lot to me, and I can't wait to meet your little girl!

9. We didn't really get along at first. Mostly because of things that I said. But I think you're a pretty cool chick, and we should hang out more.

10. We met through a friend and we get along really well. I love you because you're sensible, and I really respect the way you handled your family matters when things fell apart. To me, that's a really admirable thing. And you're super hot.

11. I love singing Celine Dion with you. I miss it so much. We made it through a very stressful time together.

12. I feel like you're big sister sometimes.

13. I thought you were gay when I first met you. I even had a crush on you. But you're one of the best people I know, even if we don't have the same beliefs.

14. We met through my ex boyfriend. We've shared some pretty good laughs.

15. I admire the ways you came out of your shell in college. You're so different from high school.

16. You're very loyal, and you're awesome to chat with. I'm so glad I met you at our first load-in!

17. I think you are incredibly strong and resilient. You may have a macho exterior, but you're one of the most sensitive people I know. We met through a friend.

18. You're painfully dorky. But I really enjoy hanging out with you. And you're smile is amazing.

19. We have so much in common, it's crazy. And whatever you go through in your life, I'll be there because I really admire your strength.

20. I didn't like you when I first moved here. But I'm really glad we've gotten over that, because you're really fun. It's good to know that there's at least one normal person in my family.

Ok, procrastination is over.
*Lulu*

02:59 pm:

10:08 am: My play starts this week.

You're an asshole if you don't come to see it.

Exonerated
Wednesday, Feb. 20th - Saturday, Feb. 23rd @7:30
Sunday, Feb. 24th @ 2:30
Dick Dangle theatre
box office: 678-839-4722

I worked really hard and cried a lot over this one. So I'm looking forward to seeing everyone there!

<3,
Lulu

11:10 am: I have to run auditions tonight. It should be a good way to get me out of the laze that I've been in for the past month.

Shelly burned me a cd. It's Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, "Raising Sand." If you don't have it, get it. It's worth it. I listened to it last night and it's AMAZING. It's really diverse and interesting. They mingle a lot of musical styles. Mmm. So good.

Buster's birthday is next week. Since I'll be tied up by the evil theatre monster that day, we're celebrating this weekend. So we're having a fun casual dinner at IHOP in Carrollton at 8:00 pm on Saturday the 12th. Please come. Sorry I'm not hosting one of those monstrous booze-a-palooza parties that all college students seem to love. I want to have fun with my boyfriend and my friends, not get wasted. Besides, IHOP has all you can eat pancakes right now. There's nothing better than that.

Then on Buster's birthday (Tuesday) I'm going to make him a dinner of French Onion Steak.

If you're comingon Saturday, let me know so I have a headcount when we go.

That is all. Oh wait, no it's not.

My dear friends Hope and Ian got married last weekend. They've been together for 2 months. Silly kids.

Ok, that's all.

gone gone gone...

*Lulu*

06:40 pm: A few things:

1. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Mine was a little stressful, but I managed to pull through. I got some cool stuff, including Buster's gift, a koala from build-a-bear that's dressed as a wizard and says, "expelliarmus!" I went to Hobby Lobby to get my mom's present. One of the cashiers yelled out, "Hey, Mr. Skirvin!" We went over there to check out, and she gave me a $6 discount because she knew Buster. Cool.

2. I finished this semester really well: 3.7. I was also asked to be Stage Manager of The Exonerated. It's official. Matthew Brewer will be my ASM, which I'm actually looking forward to. I think it'll be a good experience, especially with Josh as the director.

3. Congrats Tim and Summer! Best wishes with pregnancy and parenthood! I'm so excited for you both.

4. My myspace got hacked. It's fixed now. Sorry if I annoyed anyone with ring tone bulletins.

5. Books for next semester are going to kill me. I wish I wasn't poor.

That is all. Happy new year, everyone!

I'll follow you into the dark...

*Lulu*

02:19 pm: I have a few things to say.

1. School is almost over. I need the break. Badly. I have one more final tomorrow. It's Biology at 8:00 am. Ugh.

2. I had an amazing weekend with Buster. I hope to have another amazing weekend this week too. Hopefully I can get some shopping done.

3. I think it's incredibly rude to continuously invite my boyfriend to dinner and outings, and never once think of inviting me. The rest of Buster's friends invite us to things as a couple. Very rarely do they invite one or the other of us...except for this one person. It really pisses me off. If you don't like me, just say so. I don't really like my boyfriend going off with other chicks to have dinner while I know that she deliberately did not invite me. And it's happened several times before. It's like I don't even exist. NOT COOL. I know that she's Buster's friend, but I'm really not comfortable with it. Something needs to be said to her.

4. I want a new pair of skates. The only thing is that they cost around $800 for cheap ones. I would LOVE to start skating again. After all, it was my first passion.

5. I want to have a Christmas party. I'm not quite sure where I would have it, though.

6. My best friend in the whole wide world is coming to visit me this summer from California. I'm super excited.

That is all for today.

Burninating the countryside...

*Lulu*

05:09 pm: This has been the busiest two weeks of my life. I always say that kind of stuff...but I think this time it might very well be true. I've been reduced to tears a lot over homework, but I don't think it's ever been quite like this.

The good news is that I've done decently on the two finals I've had so far. I'm a little worried about bio because I hate the subject. Acting should be ok. I just need to get my portfolio together. Thank god there's no class tomorrow.

Everyone should go see The Golden Compass. I saw a preview on Friday and it was amazing.

My heater is broken at home. It's miserable.

Coffee house is tonight. I'm moderately excited. It won't be nearly as cool as last year.

I still have to go shopping for people. There's so much to do.

I was looking at the chirstmas list I gave to my mom. This is what it looked like:
-Rachel Ray cookbook
-Rachel Ray cook ware
-Barefoot Contessa cookbook
-teapot
-pajamas
-warm clothes
-new Backstreet Boys cd

When did I become so old? Two years ago my christmas list consisted of care bears stuff and an easy bake oven. I'm not kidding. I mean, I know I have a big girl oven that I use frequently, but I feel deprived because I never got an easy bake oven when I was little. Still, my whole list is kitchen stuff. I wonder when I made the transition.

Agh. I'm so tired of caffeine crashing. I'm sure that one day I will not need the constant high that coffee offers me. School just takes all of my energy.

I believe that's all I have to say.

Spice up your life...

*Lulu*

03:01 pm:

That's the poster.

If people don't come see it, I'll be pissed. I've worked hard on it.

I was asked today to be the stage manager for The Exonerated. Not sure yet if I'll accept the offer. I'm not at all convinced I'm a good ASM. So being SM might be a challenge.

I'm at that point in the semester when I feel like giving up. This always happens when I'm in a show. At least I have the weekend to catch up on some reading.

comfortably numb...

*Lulu*